end of the finishing line

I can slowly feel the body's limitation. headache is getting worse every moment. I have to hang on; I will and I must. I just read up; this illness doesn't affect my life span directly; but will cause my descendants to suffer like me. In other words; its a bloody genetic issue. My sis is down with an auto-immune problem. She is strong-willed and un-affected much. Thank her and thank the gods.

lately; i feel being....so dispensable to the people around me. Be it my friends or my workplace. Its good when your workplace doesn't needs you; but feeling dispensable to your friends is really a nasty issue. Maybe it is time I go and source for a new network.

sorry

hey blog. I am having my 6th relapse. The docs told me they might change the drug. I know I may not live that long as my heart is starting to ache here and there. But I do not dare ask god for longevity; nor do I need a strong body. I just need time; long enough to repay my parents and elder sis. It stabs me in the heart to hear my lil sis knows that my relapse is occurring on her birthday again and her first question was ,"ah kor zhen mo ban." I am really guilty if she were to feel that her birthday is some how related to my relapse. I claim myself to be that a failure of a brother; one who would only let his sisters worry about him.

I will not stop moving forward. I must keep moving; I MUST NOT STOP till this heart is finally dead.